Fuck the English ( and i mean the language)

You know what. No one ever complained about my writing or my standard of English in Singapore. I guess once I have been here, it seems my writing style is totally inappropriate and my tenses, verbs, grammar, style of writing is all shit. I never knew it, as when I hand up assignments, etc, regarding marketing and so on, I could score quite well.

I guess because I haven’t been writing a long time in proper sentences and paragraphs that leads to a story since like secondary school. I feel demoralized. It’s like after so many years in my life. Everyone has something to say about my English. Even my lecturer (writing for children) bluntly said “ I know some of you, English is not your first language and you didn’t grow up in a English speaking family, bla bla.” And she looked at me.! Bloody hell. It wasn’t directly, unintentionally, but I knew she was indirectly speaking about me. Fuck the class. I’m the only bloody Asian Chinese in there anyway. You think Chinese is my first language??? And how embarrassing to know I came from a English speaking family and I wished I could pretend that I don’t.

And damn! My English? Fuck my English. I wouldn’t have known it till I started this course in creative writing. I never had a problem with writing. SO what the hell is going on now? And in this course, Writing for Children especially( or perhaps the only class I freaking hate), when we are doing work shopping, the comments on my piece is so damn vile and cold. Hey common, critiques I know, but hell, you don’t have to be so straightforward. Yet when I give critiques, I still add in at least what I like and don’t like. But these are all like, bawhamm.. shoot, die. You know that feeling? Crap. A bullet straight in the head, coming from different people. That’s pathetic. I’m ranting on here at 4am in the morning because of all these comments, I had to change my whole 2,000 essay story because comments were everywhere so fuck editing the story. Bloody hell. Hence, I’m still awake, like a very angry and furious zombie…..